Reviews by Kral

The Taint. That title alone makes it sound terribly cliché, although I WISH it were just unoriginal and merely that. Whatever guttersnipe made this movie should REALLY be flogged until they learn what makes a good film. As much as I hate making assumptions about the unknown, I firmly can say that with the given resources a movie could be made better under my control than what was presented in The Taint.

By this point, I bet you're wondering what possibly could be this bad. Well picture adult men running around with their genitals exposed. These men have large erections. Blood is covering their body. A milky substance is shooting out of their penis. Bad enough? Well it gets worse. A farmer with the above description is also excreting as he is chasing someone. And no he's not doing it in his pants. A hole was cut in the back of his knickers and he is literally defecating as a horse would.

Plot?

The plot in this movie hardly qualifies as a story. A water source in some suburban town was poisoned with some testosterone agent that caused all of the men to grow big penises and become more violent towards women. The men who drink the water become killing machines and start to destroy all women within sight of them. Along the way you learn who did it, how it happened and why it was done. That's all. No ending. No true protagonist. No plot depth.

I wasn't sure what genre this was so I looked it up on IMDb. Action. Comedy. Horror. Too bad this movie was none of that.

Action - This movie flashes from random characters from time to time. These characters don't have names. You won't care about them and they don't do anything amazing. The most action in this movie is a bunch of men running down the street with their penises hanging out of their pants.

Horror - There is nothing frightening about this film. Sick maybe, but nothing is scary here. You will most likely be cringing at how everything looks so fake from the semen to the smashed heads. This is somewhat understandable for an indie film, however it wasn't excused by other aspects of the movie.

Comedy - Funny? Did someone mentally challenged come up with the humor in this movie? Oh wait maybe it was. Sorry for offending you. Really though, unless you find men smashing heads open with their Johnsons funny there is nothing here that you will be laughing at. There is stupidity and there is humor. This is stupidity.

With that all said everything else this movie offers is null and void. I couldn't recommend this trash to anybody.

1/10 Nothing redeeming about this other than it being short.

To who ever made this: Nice try, but come up with a better story next time that will actually be worth the watch.

Let me make this simple and quick.

This six episode TV show is a hentai film that features a rather interesting story. The English voice acting is shit, but I am sure if you looked this up you have already heard that. Maybe you didn't. In any case it is horrible. Unless you know that you will LOVE this anime, do a youtube search first before you decide to spend the 40 dollars for the collection on Ebay.

Well I'll be honest, this movie is pretty fucked up. From the music to the acting. Almost everything about this movie is just plane wrong.

In case no one has ever heard of this movie it is a low budget horror film that was released in 2007. The only reason I found out about it is I am typically someone who looks through the bargain bin at walmart. So I bought this for $4.99 as well as 3 other atrocious films that came with it...

But damn, I never expected this!

The movie is about a teenage boy (they never mentioned his exact age) who wants to find out about his lost mother. The boy finds out some sick rumors about his mother living in a backwater hillbilly town and decides to venture to it along with five other friends. When they get to the area where his mother was dwelling at the main character is shocked to find not his mother, but instead his disfigured half-brothers. These brothers are not 'all there' mentally and they have some strange will to kill them. A lot of this plot is not fully explained, but I honestly was like "Who cares?" when I saw how it was presented.

Well to start off the characters were great. I don't know if they were intended to be portrayed this way or if this was a big mistake on the director's part, but in the end I kept laughing at how ridiculous they were.

It begins with the main character's father. This guy was just completely hysterical. He pisses on his son thinking he is a gofer and tells him he should go back to: (And he says it like this) "Playing with his pecker" instead of having sex with some redhead chick. I think they were trying to aim for an abusive father character rather than a complete laughing stock, but hey stuff like this made this movie great.

Throughout the movie more completely ridiculous characters are introduced and you will find yourself questioning how this wasn't put under the comedy section. Maybe it's just my sick sense of humor. However I still think this movie is worth a watch just for the LOLZ.

During the movie this is also some other things that add to this captivating experience...

When one of the killers walks in this music that literally sounds like a death metal band screaming: "WE WILL KILL YOU. MOTHER FUCKING KILL YOU." starts to play. It reminded me of the band cannibal corpse since the singer sounded like he was gargling vomit in his mouth while singing.

They also show a lot of gore in this movie, but it was so fake that you can tell it was a watermelon mashed up and thrown out the window rather than actual gore. While you big horror fans probably won't like the sound of that, it still will provide some entertainment while this movie tries so hard to be scary and just turns out being hilarious.

There is another scene where the main killer walks in again with a large erection as he kills the main characters older brother. Yes the "We will kill you" song plays again.

So in the end this movie has some horrid acting. Horrid music. Horrid special effects. Horrid character ideas. Horrid plot depth. But you will be laughing so hard at it that you will forget about how bad it is.

I give it a 7/10. Gj whoever made this wonderful train wreak.

Shortbus. Tsk, tsk...

Just merely thinking about this movie is a facepalm ready to happen. I cannot believe they actually were this mentally retarded to make this. And no, I am not using the word 'Retarded' as a cliché in place of a better word. This movie is seriously retarded.

To put in blunt terms the movie starts off with a guy jizzing in his own mouth, a dude masturbating while getting slapped by an ugly STD ridden whore, and a generic looking pornstar banging a so-called Canadian-Chinese. This is all shown in graphic details by the way (at least in the unrated version).

Alright so I know what you're thinking: "If the plot is good then it does not matter."

Well that's the problem. The plot is HORRIBLE. I think I could head to my local Rehabilitation home, gather some 'special' kids, and we could create a better movie plot.

The plot is consistent of three things: Homosexuality, Sex (in general), and relationships. None of these things are touched upon with great depth, instead they are all explained by dry humor and stupidity. To give an example there is a homosexual man who is not satisfied with one gay pal, so he needs to get another one so he can make a threesome of men playing The Star-Spangled Banner in each others anuses(*MASSIVE FACEPALM*). Another example is a woman can not get an orgasm from her husband, so she decides to hang with a female tramp to teach her how to ejaculate (Really...).

So the creators probably realized in some point in time that this was incredibly dumb, so they added in extra sex so people would buy it. Which by the way most is gay sex.

For other aspects:

The music did not match the setting.

The acting did not just suck, it reeked of something unfathomable.

The presentation was horrid as I explained earlier.

And with all of this combined you have a big pile of worthless dung that isn't fit to be called a pornographic film.

I give it a 1/10 without question.

I will not take much time to review this as there is not much in this movie to review.

To start off with, the plot is just horrible. You can read very detailed plot summaries of this on the net, but here is the gist of it:

There is an in-the-closet gay guy (Marty) who hates his openly gay friend (Bobby) because he bullied him. So the in-the-closet gay guy gets his friends and another in-the-closet gay guy to help him kill the openly gay guy. After they kill the openly gay guy the cops find them in a few days and they all get into the slammer. (Really great story huh?)

The only redeeming quality of this plot is that the characters that were not intended to be funny actually are quite humorous to laugh at. Here is a quote from Bobby A.K.A. 'the openly gay guy' "You enjoyed that back there, didn't you... Bullshit. Bullshit. I think you like dick. You can't lie to me boy, I know you like dick."

The plot was also centered around a lot of teenage sex. While it may sound interesting to all you perverts, you should reconsider because all you see is a little bit of female breasts and quite a bit of male pubic hair, exceptional bulges in the underwear of men, six packs, snips of gay porn and a bit of penis.

As for the other aspects of the movie... The music sucked. It was horrid sounding rap. The acting was alright, but nothing in comparison to the teenagers in movies like The Breakfast Club.

Other then that there is not much to say about this. This is definitely a bad movie. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless you just want to watch it once to see what it is all about. I give it a 3/10. Bad with little redeeming qualities.

Divinity is a perfect example of a game you really like, but the technical difficulties cannot be ignored.

To start off, this game is an action RPG that was originally a PC only game. As with all PC ports the gameplay does indeed suffer a bit on the console. The lack of available buttons with the controller is usually the cause of this. While playing Divinity II you will encounter horrible controlling problems such as the interact button being the left bumper, pausing the game with the right stick, jumping with the right trigger, and semi-unresponsive controls. The only thing Divinity II had alright controls for was the spells, abilities, and items (even then it eight slots felt very limited)

The combat of Divinity II had some good and bad in it. For instance, you need to be careful in what you invest into when you level up (skill points and attribute points) for your character or else combat would be slightly harder. This, I personally liked since it added some challenge into the game. There was also a retrain talent function in later on in the game. This allowed you to change your reallocate your skill points. So unlike Dragon Age Origins, you were not completely screwed if you put a skill point in the wrong place. The combat also could be harder depending on the level of your character versus the level of your enemy (which seemed to be a bigger problem in the earlier levels) The only true problem in the combat was the dragon combat. During this, you were pinned against several enemies that by themselves were weak, but in groups were deadly. Most attacks could be avoided in the dragon by pressing the left bumper, but sometimes attacks were completely unavoidable and extremely frustrating to deal with.

Aside from the combat system the gameplay consists of completing various quests, solving puzzles, exploring non linear areas and engaging in conversations with NPCs.

The graphics while having a nice artistic tone to them, are pretty awful. The game is loaded with low res textures, rough edges and poor animations (Although some spells were designed well)

Divinity II music was top-notch and fit the environments very well. As for the voice acting however, lets just say there was some alright characters, but some you wonder what dark street alley they might of came out of.

The game's story was also very fascinating with nice plot twists and interesting characters. I was impressed with it up until the ending (which future DLC is said to correct that)

Overall I would give Divinity II an 8/10. If you are a hardcore RPG fan you will love this game, despite the technical difficulties. I would say its worth at the very least a try and definitely a buy (if your into European RPGs)